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Emotional Dependency Vs Emotional Freedom


Lydia’s relationship with her husband, Andrew, was falling apart. Andrew had moved out, stating that he could no longer tolerate Lydia’s neediness and constant pull on him to make her feel loved and secure.

Now that they had been separated, Lydia’s emotional dependency was finding even worse. She was deeply addicted to Andrew producing her feel better, if only through a brief text message.

Lydia believed that her feelings of safety, worth, and lovability had to come from a person else. She took no emotional responsibility – no responsibility for what she was telling herself and how she was treating herself that had been causing her pain and panic.

It became clear to Lydia that her panic was being brought on by her personal self-abandonment, not by Andrew abandoning her. She was continually abandoning her inner kid by judging herself, ignoring the feelings resulting from her self-judgments, and then handing her inner kid to Andrew to take care of.

When she could not reach Andrew, she would collapse into tears and sooth herself with Tv and food. She continuously felt panicked, not because Andrew was not there for her, but because she had in no way developed an inner loving adult capable of taking loving care of herself.

As a result of her self-abandonment, Lydia was constantly emotionally needy and pulled on Andrew with her tears and anger. While she stated she loved Andrew, her primary intent was to get adore rather than to give and share love. Lydia was emotionally dependent.


We are emotionally free when:

1. We do not make other people, the past, or circumstances responsible for our feelings – we do not see ourselves as victims.

Instead, we take responsibility for causing our personal suffering by noticing how we treat ourselves and what we tell ourselves, and we nurture ourselves via the grief, sorrow, and loneliness that come from painful life events, such as the death of a loved one particular.

2. We are not governed by our feelings. Our feelings guide us, but we are not led around by them. We recognize that our positive feelings of adore, peace, and joy are letting us know that we are taking loving care of ourselves, and that our unfavorable feelings of anger, worry, hurt, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, and so on are letting us know that we are abandoning ourselves.

three. We do not collapse into our feelings, becoming our feelings. Rather, we are a witness of our feelings and discover from them and/or nurture them.

We are emotionally free of charge when we discover from our feelings and take loving action in our personal behalf to take responsibility for our painful feelings, and for our feelings of worth, lovability, safety and security.


Relationships flounder when one or each partners are emotionally dependent on the other partner for their feelings of worth, lovability, safety, and security. When you abandon oneself and make your partner responsible for your discomfort and your self-worth, then you are stuck attempting to have control more than your partner taking care of you – carrying out for you what you need to have to be carrying out for yourself.

When you are not loving and valuing oneself, you do not have adore to share with your partner. You are continually attempting to get really like rather than share adore. Attempting to have manage more than obtaining the enjoy that you require to be giving to oneself is what creates most relationship difficulties.

When every individual in a relationship decides to learn how to take responsibility for their own feelings, they can then come with each other to learn, develop, play, and share really like. This is a lot more enjoyable than attempting to get adore!